53: Hashkafa Matters 

Yona & Chani join Avery to have a sophisticated and nuanced discussion over the many differences and similarities those of us in shidduchim share when it comes to our hashkafos. 
We tackle the concept of dating someone based in various stereotypes such as wearing a black hat, davening in Young Israel's and preferring a TV in your home. 

1) Defining religious orientation
2) Black hat
3) Zionistic
4) TV and TV in the house
5) Sending your kids to white shirt or co ed yeshiva
6) What community do we want to live in
7) Is how you observe Shabbos a hashkafic difference? ie how you want to run a Shabbos table, going swimming, wife holds of the eruv
8) How much do we listen to the families rov?
9) Do we put a filter on the house internet? Kids phones. Etc.
10) Making aliyah
11) Learning

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#shidduchim #shadchan #jewish #jewishdating #choson #chatan #Kallah #simchas #mazaltov #mazeltov #shaitels #sheitals #yeshiva #podcast #monsey #simchas #weddings #jewishweddings #datingpodcast #jewishlife #5Towns #jewishpodcast #shadchanit #modestfashion #jewishfashion #jewishlife #shabbos #kosher #kosherfood #kosherfoodie #tznius #singlesevents


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EP 52: Don't Ask Me If I'm Shomer [Part 3: The Rabbi Strikes Back]

Navigating the relationship w/shomer in mind. Halachic & Rabbinic perspectives of being shomer negiah.

In part 3 of shomer we wrap it up with Rabbi AY’s encounters as a Rabbi & halachic perspective. We also discussed some new aspects of Shomer Negiah, which we did not touch up on in Part 1 and 2. Torah perspectives, community outlines and IJ’s favorite…is breaking shomer the same as kosher and Shabbos?


1. Tznius affects on Shomer Negiah
2. Why are the shidduch dating guys always blamed??
3. Is there a way to really tell if someone is shomer?
4. Kosher & Shabbos is very diffrent than Shomer
5. Past relationships that you weren’t shomer in: to tell or not to tell!
6. How can you feel intimately connected in a shomer relationship
7. What are ways to bring up gedarim/boundaries without offending the other side
8. Does being shomer fall under the category of tznius
9. Can you judge someone for their past experiences shomer or not?
10. What does the Torah want from a young healthy couple, is it closeness to each other (which comes from Intimacy) or closeness to G-d?
11. It’s not that the Torah doesn’t work, it’s the community that doesn’t work
12. Better for gals to break it whether they are frum or modern?


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In this week's episode we bring in Paige, a long time dater and resident expert on shomer negiah for the female daters perspective. Having been in her own long term relationships before, we appreciated hearing why she is complexly pro staying shomer until marriage. Some girls call in as well to weigh in on the issues. We also discussed some new aspects of Shomer Negiah, which we did not touch up on in Part 1. Such as; is it worse to be the person who initially breaks or the person who elevates? Does being with someone before you are married give you insight in to any potential compatibility issues in the future? Who can you go to to discuss the difficulties you are having staying shomer in your relationships? As well, as many other enumerating subjects

​Nobody Talks Shidduchim: EP 51: Don't Ask Me If I'm Shomer [Part 2: The Girl Dater’s Take] on Apple Podcasts
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The NTS Crew sits down with a group of Buchrim to discuss their dating take. These are real yeshiva guys who are still learning, have seder and only wear a blue shirt on purim!

BUCHRIM TELL ALL
What is the Buchor life like? Do women ever wonder? Do non learners ever wonder? IJ sits down with a group of yeshiva guys (who happen to be his former chevra from yeshiva gedola) and chat.
1) What's it like in yeshiva generally, give the audience an idea of the schedule and ambiance
2) Do you think Yeshiva has prepared you better than your friends who went to college (didn't make learning a priority)
3) How is the process with a shadchan as a buchor (Differences in the modern yeshivish vs. black hat yeshivish world
4) Whats the process like with a Shadchan?
5) What are your biggest 3 struggles with shadchanim?
6) Do you ever get an urge to ask a girl out directly?
7) What can you tell our female audience out there as to what you expect from a dating them? Give them a pointer as to how they can snatch
8) Some of you are older, its frustrating to still be single...how do you still have hope?

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​Nobody Talks Shidduchim: Ep 49: The Buchrim Tell All - What happened to all the good guys Part 2 on Apple Podcasts

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Ep 48: What happened to all of the “good guys” PART 1

Are we setting up our boys to fail?? Where are all the “Good Guys” at??

NTS crew discusses with Mrs. Rissel Naimark about the perplexities of girls and “the community” thinking that there are no more good guys/men/boys. IJ and Avery defend the boys!!

It seems that there’s this expectancy for the men in Shidduchim to be able to have a set career, solid twice a day learning Seder as well as being a 3 x a day minyan goer. Is this just conjecture from anecdotal “sources” or is this a real thing that is setting the men and thus women back from finding their Basherts to be with?

1) Guys are amazing and here’s why...
2) Is it just that girls standards are too high
3) Is it fair for the women to judge this?
4) Is it a reason for women to say no or should they work with GUY POTENTIAL.
5) Women want a tangible way of measuring how frum a guy is, plain and simple.
6) Why single men don’t have a steady minyan schedule
7) How our grandparents did it (1 minyan and Mentch’s)
8) Dual household responsibility. Differences of growing up with 2 working parents vs 1.
9) Reverse case: men being very strict with women and tznius
10) Our community pushing men into learning, for as long as they can even without a plan

Nobody Talks Shidduchim: EP 48: What happened to all of the “Good Guys” on Apple Podcasts
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Ep 50: Don’t Ask Me If I’m Shomer
The NTS Crew: IJ, Avery & Ahuva put all things Shomer Negiah on the table with this series opener. While we all follow the laws of SN, we explore the topic in more relative terms to us millennial & gen Z daters….hey we all enjoy the Shomer 5.
1) Defining Shomer Negiah
2) Tell us about how it played a role in your life, what it means to you...
3) Why is there such a majority of Shidduch daters who hold Shomer
4) What are the benefits of Shomer in Shid
5) When to have a discussion about being shomer or not?
6) Emotional & Brain Chemical reactions to touching
7) Are you really doing something wrong, halacha aside...well sorta?
8) Does it change for guys when you commit?
9) Does it change for girls close to engagement?
10) Who is it more difficult for, gender-wise?
11) We all want to hug & cuddle is there a way to do it?
12) Establishing proper boundries or gedorim to stay shomer
13) Are there any negatives to actually holding SN?
14) The Jewish Guilt
15) Why do we feel soo guilty when it’s in our DNA & innate for us to do so
16) Can you tell the Shadchan you are planning on breaking Shomer?
17) Who generally actually starts the “breaking shomer”, the one to initiate?
18) Is it worst for the person to start or to elevate?
19) Dating someone who does not want to be shomer and you do. Can it work?


​Nobody Talks Shidduchim: Ep 50: Don’t Ask Me If I’m Shomer on Apple Podcasts
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Episode 47: How to take full advantage of being single. Avery explains all the new things he has found from being single, with Rosie.

1. Pursue your passions (Business, travel, restaurants, career change)
2. Getting closer to G-d
3. Shabbos plans for girls and how to get invited to meals
4. Making all new friends
5. Choosing your new look/wardrobe not having your spouse do it.
6. Working on building a house, apartment, decorating?
7. Getting into shape for your future wedding (barf)
8. Connecting with more people who might have that match
9. Taking time to reflect on how you can be better
10. Not letting your single state define you. What are your other unrelated qualities
11. How can you get out of the “waiting funk”

​Nobody Talks Shidduchim: Ep 47: How to take full advantage of being single on Apple Podcasts
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This week's episode we are joined by the royals, Meghan, Kate and Diana.
We discuss a wide range of topics within what girls are looking for.
Do they like cologne, car door openers, tall guys, short guys, Jewish guys, etc.
The royals give us some really insightful perspective into what the girls actually care about when it comes to finding a husband.
Take a listen, and if you enjoy this podcast and want to get in touch with the show runners make sure to follow us on our Instagram @nobodytalksshidduchim or email us @[email protected].

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​Nobody Talks Shidduchim: Ep 46: What are the girls looking for? on Apple Podcasts

1) Can you trust someone when they tell their breakup story?
2) Why are Jews so bad about giving closer?
3) Psychological affects
4) Chemical imbalances: dopamine & withdrawl
5) A new version of ourselves?
6) My person left, I am not whole
7) Are we hiding behind the shadchan for everything?
8) How do you say it? Meaning What are the exact words?
9) Ever get a mother who did the break up?
10) Backlash: When the shadchan fights back?
11) When you tell the Shadchan one thing and they tell something else to the guy/girl...🙄
12) How to heal after a break up?
13) Tell me why holding resentment is making you seem small?
14) How to make your breakup mean something?
15) How to properly reflect on the relationship?
16) Forgiveness, how to forgive yourself and your ex

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​Nobody Talks Shidduchim: Ep 45: The Break Up on Apple Podcasts