26: Dating out of the box and all of those quirky characters
IJ, Yona and Chani discuss people who totally stick out of the resume stack. They are different, loud, don’t fit the status quo and just stick out like a soar thumb. Heck they may just be you! Here are our thoughts on those characters and how to understand whether it’s a good Shidduch for you or not.
1) What exactly is someone who is out of the box?
2) Identifying if you are or aren’t
3) Are we examining the Shidduch Resume too much??
4) What is the cookie-cuter Shidduch perspective
5) Don’t worry they’re very very normal
6) Toning things down: Do you have to calm down your funkiness and quirks?
7) Purple feather in the hat / funky rainbow skirt...when can these things be unloaded!
8) Why can’t they just have a normal profile pic!!
9) I am not judging the person..I am just judging based off of what you sent via what they put out...this is real!
10) Is it being naive or innocence?
11) Things are ambiguous
12) Can we really live above what the general population does with responses?
13) I don’t date from that area (ex: 5T, Monsey, Queens)
14) I’m noticing a pattern where a person from this place/this Yeshiva/this background tends to have this character trait, even though there’s no logical reason that should be. Should I stop dating those types of people?
Ep 25: How To Tell The Shadchan They’re Just Not Up My Alley
In this episode the podcast crew examines the classic responses like: she isn’t my look, he’s not up my alley, I just don’t see it and all of the politically correct responses you’ll need when talking to the shadchan.
Remarks to the Shadchan:
1) She’s not up my alley / He’s not “my type”
2) Why can’t they just have a normal profile pic!! OR they don’t do profile pictures...do they want to get married?
3) Physical Aspects and Resume Info:
4) He’s too short / she’s not my figure type
5) Their just not my look 😏 // I just don’t find them attractive!
6) Too loud/quiet
7) Hashkafically different / Different backgrounds
8) SPECIFIC ISSUES WITH SHADCHAN: Yes your my mother’s friend but you don’t know me so stop sending me outrageous ideas!!!
9) Enough with your sons sloppy seconds!!
10) Remarks from the Shadchan: I’m sorry you don’t approve of my resume. I’ll be sure to not answer your calls anymore.
11) YESSS a coffee date won't kill me but honestly my time is money and its really just gonna be a big FAT no from me
12) Im doing this for 10 years...just trust me!
13) So should I just not say anything to the shadchan 😡 like they don’t even give a hoot at what I have to say!
14) I just got a few No’s back..so yes I will be sounding brash...if they can be picky why can’t I??
15) The parents are divorced, I have a problem with that 😕
16) AS YOU DATE THEM: Can you just tell him to stop planning our dates around Starbucks!!!
17) There are not enough positives to warrant a continuation
18) I just can’t stand them!
19) Oh, she had a great time and really wants to go out again? Wow, that’s, uh, so nice to hear... yes, yes, she’s a really nice girl, I had a nice time, I just don’t see it going anywhere...
20) No I’m not picky...gosh I have to marry this person so just lay off!!
21) Um..they smoke and drink? WTH were you thinking??
22) No I didn’t call a reference, shadchan.. I do things my way
23) So, ummm... what in particular made you think of _this_ person for me? I’m not perfect, but I’m not a train wreck either...
24) To the date: So why did you do __ exactly?
25) Um yes I have a problem with that!!!
26) I’m not judging..I’m just calling a spade a spade!
24: Is Ashkenazi Dating Sephardi Interracial? 👱🏻♂️👩🏽🦰 /🧔🏽👱🏻♀️
The NTS crew (now only IJ 😁/☹️) has Guest Hosts Lia, Page and Fefe on to discuss Sephardic and Ashkenazi dating. Also a special message from Avery. 👱🏼♂️🧔👧👩🏻🦱🎙 🎧
1) Are there really barriers?
2) Identifying the cultures
3) Experiences with the interracial dating
4) What it’s like to date Sephardic
5) What it’s like to date Ashkenazi
6) is it always better to stay with the culture that you grew up with or can there be positives to dating outside your culture cubicle: I.e better pesach minhagim less wait time between meat n dairy lol
7) Does one group have it easier than the other when it comes to dating
8) How do you comment on their culture without criticizing them?
9) Why always giving the benefit of the doubt will help reduce the barrier
10) Getting over fear of being judged by family/friends
11) Determining how to "run" your house in a way that makes both sides happy
12) When is it right to open yourself up to new cultural practices (Food, davening, weddings)
13) Is it worth crossing the divide despite the chaos that relationships may incur
14) When you know they are just not willing to give in enough to make you feel comfortable
15) Sterotyping - Overprotective ashkenazi mother- Tyrannical Sephardic father
16) Areas that you won’t be able to make compromises on